The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
