we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize