I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
