capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
