Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
