I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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