I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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