census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
