her vagine was all disorganized.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
