Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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