I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
