that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
