She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
