Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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