There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
