Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
