I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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