You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
