how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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