i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
