i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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