we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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