hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
