____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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