You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
