dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
