that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
