He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
