tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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