All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
