Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
