There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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