I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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