im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
