While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a search helicopter?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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