My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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