I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
