do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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