it hurts more in the daytime
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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