do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
