Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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