My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
