I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
