So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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