Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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