i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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