So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
