You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
