No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
