I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
