My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
