If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Enjoy the penises
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize