so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize