dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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