My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
