don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
