i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
