mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
