Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
