it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
